Relationship Problem – Need Advice?

December 23, 2009
relationship problem advice
overlook asked:


I’m a 23 year old male who has been dating a girl for around a year. The problem is she asks if I’m ready to be engaged repeatedly and gets upset if I say I’m not ready yet. She doesn’t understand why, If I do love her, why I won’t ask her to be my wife. I do, in fact, want to marry her eventually. It’s getting really frustrating though. Who’s right here? What do I tell her? I need help.

Julius
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relationship problem advice needed?

December 20, 2009
relationship problem advice
stinkers_uk asked:


i met a guy months ago and he is far away. he told me right from day 1 that he is petrified of travelling, trains planes etc. so I have been doing all the running. even though it has been very tough!

he has asked me to move in with him but i am worried. he was supposed to come up and stay and hasn’t because he said he couldn’t afford to come. making excuses. i wanted him to come to show his commitment and to see how we all get on as a family. But he’s saying that if i am to move in we will need all the money we can get hold of until we’re sorted out. i know he has a fear and gets panic attacks but can’t he even try???

I am worried that he is taking the mick out of me, i have been hurt in the past and left standing…although now i have kids to put first. if he doesn’t come up here how can we test the water?? we might not get on living together. and to be honest how well can you know someone when you see them once a week? and what if he hasn’t really got a fear or travalling and i’m a gullible idiot! he could be using me.

what do you reckon?? am i being selfish. we are made for each other (at face value). he tells me he loves me all the time and he talks about our future together etc etc But i can’t halp being suspicious. my last relationship was violent and he was a control freak. so i am a little scared.

not all men are losers…right??
he will lose his house as well if i don’t move in, he hasn’t told me that but i know he can’t afford it single handed. Theres no prob with that he can move somewhere else (if he can get the bond together) but it is in a great location and the schools are fantastic. If I don’t do it now then that means when we do move in later on we’ll have to completely start a fresh. Including saving up a bond etc and we more than likely won’t beable to afford to get back into the area. and we’ll have to settle for some cheap dodgy area.

And yes he has met the kids and they are all ok with each other. He has kids of his own so he’s not a weirdo or anything. he also has had long relationships so he’s not after a bit of skirt. but the prob is he wants his cake and to eat it. he’s very ‘us’ orientated but whether its just a front i don’t know. It’s a huge gamble!! i can move back though as long as I keep the keys for my old place. so i have a leeway of a couple of weeks.

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Why wouldnt my boyfriend want his ex wife and kids to know that he has a girlfriend? She already lives with so?

December 19, 2009
how to get back with my ex
LaLa asked:


meone and has kids? so why a secret, dont understand?

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Does it make any sense to try saving this relationship?

December 16, 2009
saving a relationship
Chris asked:


My girlfriend moved in with me about a year ago. It was a long distance relationship (she in the UK and me in the US). We were planning to get married but I changed my mind and decided to end the relationship when I learned she had cheated on me on multiple occasions with at least 5 guys when she was in the UK. The problem is she just told me she is pregnant (with me). She says she is sorry and is pleading that we stay together. I have told her I don’t have the strength for that so she should just move out. Almost anything she says or does upsets me now. I will take care of the child if a DNA test proves that I am the father. She has asked others to plead on her behalf but I don’t see how I can trust her again. I feel so hurt and betrayed. I know it is not right but I have used lots and lots of “unkind” (to put it mildly) words for her. People tell me that I am being wicked and insensitive; that her moving over to the US shows she’s changed; that I should give her a chance; that people change; that the long distance might have been the problem (not that we will be together all the time even if we decided to marry). What do you think?

Eric
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Is the relationship worth saving?

December 9, 2009
saving a relationship
red_girl_1983 asked:


My boyfriend and me have been together for over a year, as you can see from all of my questions on here we have ALOT of issues, I just dont know if our relationship is worth all the trouble. I love him he is the only person I want to be with but I just dont know anymore. It breaks my heart to think about saying goodbye but I need to know how to know if the relationship is worth saving or is it just time to say goodbye? :{

Loyd
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Should I get back together with my ex? (He’s being such a jerk!)?

December 6, 2009
how to get back with my ex
B asked:


Hello.

I need some help. I was with my ex for a few years. We had a long distance relationship and we sort of drifted apart. I still care for him and we’re talking about meeting up again for the first time since our last meeting which was eight months ago.

Trouble is, he doesn’t treat me at all kind or show me any care or affection. You may ask why I continue to hang on, it’s because I still remember the good times and he used to love me a lot. I cancelled seeing him a couple times during the last few months we were a couple because we were fighting a lot and he was being rude to me.

Basically it was like chicken and egg, his disappointment led to him being mean and angry. His being mean and angry led to our not getting along.

We even have had intimacy through webcam and phone but even with both of those he still isn’t nice.

He basically just expects me to go visit him and we’ll ‘take it in baby steps’ but I don’t feel motivated to see him unless he shows me some true care or concern.

It’s going around and around. I want to forget him sometimes because he treats me like noone special at all and doesn’t even ask how I’m doing.

What should I do? Thanks.
He actually told me “You have to work on me caring for you again”.

Is this something that is to be expected from someone who feels angry that I cancelled a couple of our last planned meetings??

T Harper

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Should I get back together with my ex wife?

December 6, 2009
how to get back with my ex
Dr. Dieter .S asked:


Around 2001 me and my ex wife got divorced. We were too young, but I tried to make it work. We had a 2 year old son together. She got really nasty in the divorce because I wanted Joint Custody. She used the fact that I was in the special forces and 9/11 and towers going down that I wouldn’t be around for joint custody. The judge gave her full custody and I had weekend visitation rights. A week later I was deployed to Afghanistan and the 5 before I shipped out the judge took away my visitation rights. I didn’t come back to the states for 237 days. At the time I was a 1st Lieutenant. Three days after I came back I filed an appeal. Of course it failed. I attempted to try again bit I was redeployed. I came back to the states around 2003 when I resumed my attempt at an appeal. This time I fought much harder and exhausted all funds but it was no use. It failed again. A month later my son died after he fell off the jungle gym at a park. He had severe head trauma. He was under my ex wife’s mother’s supervision. I don’t blame either of them. We attended his funeral together. I had not seen him almost 2 years. They still kept docking my pay for child support for 8 months until I filed a complaint.

Recently my ex wife broke up with boyfriend and decided to give me a call. She said she wanted to have lunch. I agreed to see her. After a long awkward drawn out lunch she asked me I wanted to get back together with her. She said she regretted everything. I said that I needed some time to think. I haven’t called her back.

I am a graduate of West Point and Boston University. I am currently a Major in the 10th Special Forces. I’m 35. I have gone on a total of six combat tours, if all of that is of any recollection or importance.

What the hell should I do?

Bennett

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I need help on saving my relationship with my fiance?

November 3, 2009
saving a relationship
JusMeAndBaby asked:


We planned on getting married soon and we both love each other so much. lately we haven’t really talked about much besides the general ‘what’d you do today’ conversation. I really want this to work, but he thinks I treat him like a child because i ask him where he’s going, and i call him. I don’t think i treat him like a child, because when i go somewhere he does the same. I know he’s busy and i try to be supportive. but i miss the time we used to spend together, and i know its i little selfish asking him to drop what he’s doing just to hang out with me. I’m worried that he’s going to get irritated with me and just end it all but i dont want that. i just really miss him, i miss our conversations and just being with each other. How do i get some time with him, without nagging? And how do i get him to believe that i’m not treating him like a child?

Benjamin
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Are temporary separations ever beneficial to saving a relationship?

November 2, 2009
saving a relationship
tunafish asked:


I have two children and he has one..my children are definatley not perfect little beings but we took in his 12 year old daughter 6 months ago from a mother who was very manipulative and couldn’t take care of her properly..the traits of the mother have been passed down to the child and there is so much conflict from her mom and sister phoning and creating problems …and against my advice my step daughter went to visit her mom and almost got pregnant…that was the last straw..now i am so upset ll of the time I had to go on meds and am always on my guard because there is always some plot or something going on…now i can’t even be sure when she’s telling thew truth and I’ve turned angry and resentful but I still love my boyfriend..would a separation be helpful to get counseling?
I need a break to calm down and not have my guard up all of the time until we get this figured out..is that selfish? I need to take stock of the situation, i just don’t know if i am doing the right thing..

Hal
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Saving a relationship on your own?

October 14, 2009
saving a relationship
mixxchick1 asked:


My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years. We are separated and he is asking for a divorce even though our problems are just a bunch of small problems that don’t really add up to anything more than we made a mountain out of a mole hill. He says that it is over and to move on that he is not willing to save this relationship. We have only been separated for almost a month and I really think that he is still angry. Is there a way to show him that we can make things better if we try?

COrtiz
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