December 24, 2009
saving a relationship
richard zook asked:


Jim works long hours and Lisbet doesn’t feel he is there for her. Lisbet spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs? Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved? Here’s how to save a relationship.

First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving. While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work. Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children. But that is not enough. How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.

Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship. One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups. In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem. For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse. While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship. If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship.

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns. Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday. If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another. And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.

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How to save a relationship with too many past lies?

December 16, 2009
saving a relationship
oneofakindmom81 asked:


I’ve been in a relationship for almost 4 years now, and have been living together for the past year. There was a few “mistakes” made and a few too many hiding things…lies… We both want this to work, but don’t know how to fix it. He’s got a few trust issues from past relationships…how can we go on fixing this so that we can be happy again before the wrong move is made.

There is also children involved too (i have 2 and he has 1 we don’t have any together, but my lil one has known his since a baby)

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December 10, 2009
saving a relationship
Teecee Go asked:


As time passes by, the fires of a relationship may die down and if both of the couples do not know how to save a relationship, what was once a thriving and passionate relationship will become mere embers. If you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or perhaps you have been married for several years now, you should learn how to save your relationship before it becomes irretrievably lost. The following tips are suggestions on how you can keep the love alive and enjoy each other’s company even after several years have already passed.

Rediscover each other. There are times that you tend to view everything in your relationship as a routine, having to do this and that. What happens is that you get used to each other and you fail to realize that there are still a number of areas in your lives that you have not truly explored. This happens especially when you are already married. The demands of life, the bills that must be paid, and even the burden of raising your kids may become walls that keep you from enjoying your partner’s company.

The dangerous thing is that if one of the couples tries to recapture the old feeling with a fleeting affair. When you are tempted to start an affair, pause for a while. Ask yourself whether your relationship is worth risking over the feeling of being in love. What about your love for your partner? When you come right down to it, the cost of the affair is not worth your time and your effort.

You might want to have dates at the old places where you used to go – dine at fancy restaurants, walk on the beach, and go to the park. This might work for a time but most of the time, what happens is that you begin to wonder what happened to the feelings you used to have. If this does not work out, then there is still another way you should follow to learn how to save a relationship.

Start going through adventure and good experiences together. When you start doing things you have never tried before, you tend to strengthen your bond together and you will be able to see each other in a new light. You might feel then that you have missed out on each other for quite some time now.

Be creative when you are trying to save a relationship worth preserving. You can buy champagne and turn your ordinary TV viewing time an extraordinary date. You can also try writing **** messages and surprises everyday. In this way, ordinary things become special and you become more connected with each other. By focusing on the ordinary and turning them extraordinary, you learn how to save a relationship.



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December 5, 2009
saving a relationship
Monica Manning asked:


Sally and Rick  are parents.  Rick works long hours to make ends meet monetarily.  Sally feels he is a workaholic, not there for her.   She works hard meeting the needs of the household members, and Rick doesn’t feel that she meets his needs.  Aaargh!   Can this relationship be saved?  Should it be saved?  Here are 7 steps to save a relationship.

First, the very important common ground  of both people wanting to save the relationship, to stay in it, must be met.  The question, “Stay or go?” needs to be answered.  To just stay in for the kids sake just doesn’t cut it.  A commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving is needed.

Second, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.  

For example, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  Really, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem, like a lack of true intimacy.  Yes, the affair is the immediate disruption that brought the problem out in the open, but the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  

Next,  begin to share your thoughts.  Both partners can verbalize their feelings and listen to each other’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Create an action plan to solve  the pinpointed problems. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  Forget any avoidance strategies. Instead, take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together a certain day of the week.   If ommunicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  Sticking to an action plan is how to save a relationship.

Lastly, realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.



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October 30, 2009
saving a relationship
Javier Chua asked:


Does your partner spend long hours working and you felt that he or she is not there for you? Do you feel your partner has spent most of the time meeting the children’ needs and tend to neglect your needs? Are you thinking whether this kind of relationship can be saved?

Step 1: Decide Whether Your Relationship Is Worth Saving?

Almost all relationship can be saved but it is a matter of hard work put in to make it work. Normally, both parties must decide whether they want to get back together because if one side opt out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is not much stuff can be done.  

Most people stay in a relationship or remain in a marriage due to the children or because it is convenient.  This is not enough as how to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.

Step 2: Pinpoint the Exact Problems in a Relationship

You must find out the real problems in a relationship in order to save a relationship. One of the major problems among most undesired relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.

For instance, most people think that an affair is a main problem that causes break ups. However, the affair is just a symptom of a real problem.  A lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, they did not realize the main cause of the affair was actually the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship. In order to save your relationship, make sure you start to handle with the core issues rather than symptoms.

Step 3: Share Your Thoughts with Your Partner

Make sure you identified the core problems behind the broken relationship and once this is done, you can begin to share your thoughts with your partner. This includes both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.

Step 4: Hold Your Partner’s Hand While Talking About Your Problems

Try to hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems. This tends to signal to your partner that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that may hurt you, remind yourself that he or she is not doing it purposely to hurt you. Instead, they just want to improve the relationship.

Step 5: Create an Action Plan to Solve the Problems

Once you have identified the real problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them together with your partner. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night at least once a week. Make sure the two of you take turns to come up with creative ways to spend an evening together on your favourite day of the week, e.g. Each Friday.  

Step 6: Spend 20 Minutes Each Day to Talk to Each Other

If the main problem is not communicating, commit 20 minutes each day to talk to one another before going to bed. This will tend to help couples to understand one another better and at the same time relief some stress.

Step 7: Ongoing Process to Save a Relationship

Lastly, you should have realized that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward and to take one step back only. Remember to be quick at apologizing and slow to blaming. You will feel both laughter and tears while going forward and that is life. Feel it with the one you love and treasure it as memories.

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October 29, 2009
saving a relationship
W. Miller asked:


You are here because you are wondering how to save a relationship, your relationship. Maybe one or both of you works long hours. Maybe one or both of you feels neglected. Maybe infidelity is involved. No matter, the question is how to save the relationship. Here are 5 important steps on how to save your relationship…

Step 1 – Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?

The first thing you must do is figure out if your relationship is really worth saving. Now, it is true that nearly every relationship can be saved with hard work and commitment from both parties in the relationship. But, both parties must be committed to make it work. If one does not commit to it, then there is little that can be done to save the relationship. And many couples stay in a relationship because it is convenient / easier to do, or, stay because of the children.

How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is really worth saving and not just for the children (although this is important) or convenience sake.

Step 2 – Identify The Root Problem(s) In Your Relationship

Next, you must figure out the problem(s) in your relationship. And I mean the root problem, not the symptom(s). One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people generally mistake the symptoms of the problem for the problem itself. For example, many people think that an affair is a problem that causes break ups. But the affair is a usually a symptom of a deeper problem.

For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying partner, who otherwise might not have strayed. While most people look at the ‘affair’ as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair is the ‘lack of intimacy’ in the primary relationship. True, you might be able to keep another affair from happening through the use of ‘guilt’, but another problem could occur simply because you have not dealt with the root problem, the lack of intimacy.

This is only one example, but when you start to deal with the root problems in your relationship and not the symptoms, then your relationship can be saved.

Step 3 – Communicate Effectively 

Having pinpointed the root problem(s), you should now be in a much better position to begin to share your thoughts with each other. This means listening to your partner’s concerns, as well as verbalizing your own feelings and concerns. You can hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are all over the place.

And remember that, when your partner says things that may hurt you, they are not doing it to hurt you, but because they want to improve your relationship. This is a very important part of the healing process, so keep your head and do not let your emotions run away with you.

Step 4 – Create An Action Plan

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an agreed actionable plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you do not spend time together like you used to do, then arrange one night a week for example. And take turns coming up with creative ways to spend that evening together over the weeks. If it is not possible at this stage to spend an evening together, then agree to commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.

Step 5 – Accept That Saving A Relationship Is An Ongoing Process

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. And be patient.

Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to begin to save your relationship using 5 important first steps. But as with most things in life, but especially in a relationship, there are still many obstacles to overcome. If these are not handled right all your good work can be for nothing, and you may never experience the ‘magic of making up’.

Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to begin to save your relationship using 5 important first steps. But as with most things in life, but especially in a relationship, there are still many obstacles to overcome. If these are not handled right all your good work can be for nothing, and you may never experience the ‘magic of making up’.

Now, if you are still certain that you want to save your relationship then go here http://how-to-get-your-ex-back-using-magic.blogspot.com where you will get more free advice on video and some important info. on more advanced techniques on how to save your relationship.



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October 27, 2009
saving a relationship
Melissa Haworth asked:


Learning how to save a relationship is possible. Even if your relationship seems to be teetering on the brink, there is still much you can do to rescue it. In fact, you can even make it stronger than ever.

This is true no matter what’s causing your problems. Even if you have issues between you that seem insurmountable (such as an affair or one partner falling out of love with the other), it’s extremely rare for a relationship to be beyond repair.

If you feel like you and your partner are headed for a split, now’s the time to take action, because every day you wait and carry on as before is one day closer to one of you walking out the door for good.

Knowing how to save a relationship means learning to recognize what the real issues are between you. Many times, couples will mask the real problems they’re having by starting distracting fights with each other about unimportant things. This is because it’s so uncomfortable to face what’s really wrong that we’ll often go to crazy lengths to avoid it.

If we sit back and take stock of what’s really going on, however, we’ll almost always see that the real issues aren’t as intimidating as we thought they were, and are also a lot more solvable.

So, take some time to sit down together and discuss what’s really on your minds as a couple. You might be surprised to find out that your partner has been concerned about the same issues in the relationship as you. Many couples are never even aware that their partner is on the same page as them when it comes to relationship issues, which is a shame, because more partnerships could be saved if it was otherwise.

Even if you have a completely different view of what the problems are in your relationship than your partner does, you can still talk about what you both see as the main issues and try to come to some kind of agreement or understanding.

When learning how to save a relationship, it’s also important for the two of you to spend quality time together. You can’t expect yourself to remember what it is you love about your partner if you’re not spending any time with him or her. You’ll just end up getting caught up in the stresses of everyday life and start to blame it all on your loved one. You’ll forget what attracted you to each other in the first place, and that’s a sure recipe for disaster.

So, the keys to how to save a relationship are being on the same page regarding what the issues are and talking about those issues openly, and spending quality time together doing things you both enjoy. If you do these two things, you’ll find that your relationship starts to feel a lot happier.

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7 Steps on How to Save a Relationship

October 12, 2009
OnlineDatingBlog asked:


coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday. If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another. And, then do it. Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. Is your relationship worth saving? If so, …

Ignacio

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September 25, 2009
saving a relationship
Andrew Mullins asked:


You might think it’s a shame that you can’t take a class called Save A Relationship 101 in college. You can take math classes, physics classes, literature classes – you can take a class on virtually everything under the sun! A class on how to save a relationship or relationships in general, however, is something that could help everyone and is available to no one. Fortunately, you already have the skills needed to save your relationship and make it better without needing a class. All you DO need is a willingness to work at it.

Most relationships, no matter what happens, can be saved. Now, there ARE a few relationships that just shouldn’t be saved, like those that are abusive or one in which both partners are really miserable. But most relationships have the potential to be saved. That should be lesson number one in any Save A Relationship 101 class.

The main problem is that people give up too soon. They’re angry, hurt, upset and it just seems easier to get out of the situation that made them that way. It’s all too easy to focus only on what’s happening now, and not the past. It’s all too easy to focus on what was bad in a relationship – instead of what was good.

If the relationship was good at one point, and lets face it – most were good in the beginning or they never would have happened, then it can be that way again. But people have to look past the anger and the problems that are happening now, and remember those good times. People have to ask themselves what has changed to turn the relationship from good to bad. Have THEY changed? Has their partner changed? Is their more stress that is putting a strain on the relationship? Has their been a loss of trust? There are so many “things” that can make a relationship go from good to bad and it’s very important to find out what it is. Once you can do that – you can find a way to save a relationship.

To cause further problems, often one person is ready to work hard to save a relationship. But the other person won’t look past the bad to remember the good. That person is ready to chuck it all away. Maybe they were cheated on or maybe they lost all trust in their partner and feel that they’ve had enough? For whatever reason, one person is ready to throw in the towel – and the other isn’t. And can only person save a relationship?

Sometimes one person can do it, but it’s not easy. It’s hard to stay positive and hopeful when your boyfriend of girlfriend doesn’t act or feel the same. It can start to feel like you’re fighting a losing battle. You need to keep fighting that battle, however, because even if the relationship doesn’t heal, it will make you a better person. That’s because the things you’ll do to try to save a relationship are simply good for you, and good for the other person, too.

It’s very important to remember the way you behaved when the relationship was new and going strong. Compare that to how you behave with that person now. How do you react to the things that they say and do NOW, to how you reacted to those same things when the relationship was young and good. Turn things around by acting the way you used to, and doing the things you used to.

Strive to be polite again just as you were in the beginning. Be thoughtful and be a good friend to the person whenever you can, even if you’re not going to get anything out of it. Don’t beg them or threaten them with what will happen if they don’t come back. Use POSITIVE reinforcement – not negative. Follow the Golden Rule! (It DOES work ya know!)

Do your very best to show them the person that they want to be with again. Bring out the best “you” no matter what. Show them that you care enough to give them your very best. It’s a win-win situation all around.



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September 24, 2009
saving a relationship
Justin Case asked:


Do you want to know how to save a relationship?

Stop blaming, accusing and judging. Now you know how to save a relationship. But let us go on if you need more example.

Passing blame does not solve problems. Getting personal only puts each other on the defense where nothing gets heard, let alone solved. The first thing to realize is, it is no one persons fault. As they say, it takes two to tango.

The second thing to do is pinpoint the problem, not the person believed to be the problem. Remember when you point your finger there are four pointing back at you. Do not make the mistake of thinking symptoms are the cause of the problem or problems. They are not.

A good example might be cheating on your spouse or your spouse cheating on you if you prefer. Many things happened or not before things got to that point. I might call it alienation of affection. One party stopped being committed to the other and their thoughts started traveling to forbidden territories. The cheating or affair is simply a symptom of a deeper cause.

Lack of intimacy. Lack of time. Lack of consideration could all be causes leading to the effect or affair. If you do not identify and pinpoint this problem and remedy it the situation never heals.

If the problem is time, spend more time together. Take time to talk daily. Not just nod your head, but talk. Have a real conversation about things of interest. Listen. Really listen to what is being said. Do not interrupt and monopolize the conversation and do not rush to end this sacred time.

When you have uncovered the cause of the problem it is time for communication to really begin in earnest. As before stated, it is time for listening and really hearing what is said. Get your feelings out in the open. Even if it is scary. Look each other in the eye, sit close and hold hands. Even if it is the last thing you want to do. This is your relationship you are saving. This is the person you fell in love with.

Reconnect for the first time in along time. Feel what each other is feeling and let the emotions flow if they feel must. Remember, there is to be no personal attacks here. No “you’s” are allowed. No one person is to blame.

When you have identified the issues put together a plan of action to put this relationship back on a healthy foundation. Take immediate steps to implement these plans. If you were not spending quality time together set up a date night. In fact, if you don’t already have a date night schedule it now. Take turns creating an interesting time. It does not necessarily mean spending money. Some of the best dates are simply time together.

Now is time to commit to doing this and hold each other to it and no excuses are allowed, unless one is in the hospital. Kids are included in this part if you have any.

Bigger rewards will come to you than you can imagine when working to save a relationship. Bonding and connecting will be on a deeper level than ever before. Trials strengthen relationships if you will let them. Remember, what does not kill you will make you stronger.

Be the first to apologize and the last to blame. Share in each others tears of joy and tears of frustration and hold each other closer than ever before.

Is your relationship worth saving?  If it is you just saved a counselors fee to learn how to save a relationship. Now do it.



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