Justin Case asked:


Do you want to know how to save a relationship?

Stop blaming, accusing and judging. Now you know how to save a relationship. But let us go on if you need more example.

Passing blame does not solve problems. Getting personal only puts each other on the defense where nothing gets heard, let alone solved. The first thing to realize is, it is no one persons fault. As they say, it takes two to tango.

The second thing to do is pinpoint the problem, not the person believed to be the problem. Remember when you point your finger there are four pointing back at you. Do not make the mistake of thinking symptoms are the cause of the problem or problems. They are not.

A good example might be cheating on your spouse or your spouse cheating on you if you prefer. Many things happened or not before things got to that point. I might call it alienation of affection. One party stopped being committed to the other and their thoughts started traveling to forbidden territories. The cheating or affair is simply a symptom of a deeper cause.

Lack of intimacy. Lack of time. Lack of consideration could all be causes leading to the effect or affair. If you do not identify and pinpoint this problem and remedy it the situation never heals.

If the problem is time, spend more time together. Take time to talk daily. Not just nod your head, but talk. Have a real conversation about things of interest. Listen. Really listen to what is being said. Do not interrupt and monopolize the conversation and do not rush to end this sacred time.

When you have uncovered the cause of the problem it is time for communication to really begin in earnest. As before stated, it is time for listening and really hearing what is said. Get your feelings out in the open. Even if it is scary. Look each other in the eye, sit close and hold hands. Even if it is the last thing you want to do. This is your relationship you are saving. This is the person you fell in love with.

Reconnect for the first time in along time. Feel what each other is feeling and let the emotions flow if they feel must. Remember, there is to be no personal attacks here. No “you’s” are allowed. No one person is to blame.

When you have identified the issues put together a plan of action to put this relationship back on a healthy foundation. Take immediate steps to implement these plans. If you were not spending quality time together set up a date night. In fact, if you don’t already have a date night schedule it now. Take turns creating an interesting time. It does not necessarily mean spending money. Some of the best dates are simply time together.

Now is time to commit to doing this and hold each other to it and no excuses are allowed, unless one is in the hospital. Kids are included in this part if you have any.

Bigger rewards will come to you than you can imagine when working to save a relationship. Bonding and connecting will be on a deeper level than ever before. Trials strengthen relationships if you will let them. Remember, what does not kill you will make you stronger.

Be the first to apologize and the last to blame. Share in each others tears of joy and tears of frustration and hold each other closer than ever before.

Is your relationship worth saving?  If it is you just saved a counselors fee to learn how to save a relationship. Now do it.



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